6 Reasons Why Letting Go of Someone You Love Might Be Better for You

Letting go is always going to be hard. Regardless, of what you have to let go. It can be  an object, a memory, a loved one or even hate and resentment. Why? Because we fear the unknown, most of us fear big change. We don’t know what will happen if we let go, will it be for the better? Or will it fire back on us? As a result, most people shy away from letting go. For them, it’s better to keep holding on and have that certainty rather than letting go and hoping to move on. But, Why is letting go of someone you love, bring you more clarity in life? Well, before I answer that question. I want you to do a tiny favor for me, read the passage below.

 

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens ”  

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Whenever I doubt myself, whenever feel scared about change. This verse always subconsciously appears in my mind. Like it was strategically placed in my head to counter my fear of big change, by whom? – By God.  Saying that it’s okay to change. It’s okay to be afraid of letting go of someone you love.

A few years ago, a best friend, a loyal companion and an irreplaceable buddy left me. He had no choice, God took him away too early. But, I knew he was in a much better place, I knew that there was a reason why he left. I could still remember how excited he would act when I got home from a long trip, wagging his tail and jumping up and down like a mad animal. Yes, he was a dog. But, he was also my best friend.

For years he was the only true friend I had, whenever I got sick, he was there just sitting beside me like a guard dog. He didn’t do much, of course he was a dog what could have he possibly done. But, his presence was enough to make me feel better.

That’s why when he left me, It left a hole in my heart. I spent so many sleepless nights thinking he was still with me. Sometimes,  I would even act that he never left and still continue our daily routine “together”. But, I knew, sooner or later I had to move on. In that moment I felt, it was really are to move on. It was really painful; letting go of someone you love. But, there was no other way.

I had two choices (1) forget him (2) accept that he’s gone. There was nothing in between. To some people it might seem that I was overreacting. But, they don’t know how painful it was for me. To some, it was only a dog. To me, he was my brother. So, I choose the best way to cope up with it. I accepted the fact that he was gone, there’s no way that he will ever return and that he was already in a much better place.

 

Why I Choose To Let Go And Not Let It be?

It might sound similar but it’s not. Letting go is accepting your loss, knowing that your life would never be the same. But, despite that, you still believe that greater things will come. Letting it be is simply ignoring the fact. You’re not doing anyone a favor, much less yourself. When you choose to ignore something, one thing is always inevitable –  It will come back and haunt you.

You may ignore the problems and challenges that you’re currently facing in life. But, it will never disappear. You are only delaying it, one way or another it will come back to bite you when you least expect it. Letting go of someone you love or something you admire isn’t the solution. But, it’s a start. Why? The only way to escape your problems is to face it and move on.

letting go of someone you love

When I choose to face the fact that my best friend was gone. I felt the presence of God, he knew what I was going through. And I instantly felt his warm love, In that moment I knew it was okay to let go. My best friend had a higher calling, and so did I. I still remember him, I still have his picture in my wallet. But, I never regret his death. For it was his calling, and someday I know we will meet again.

Letting him go didn’t only bring clarity to my life and purpose. But, it also made me stronger. When you choose to be mature and understanding, when you choose to let go of people, of things, of heartbreaks and sorrow. When you accept that letting go of someone you love is for the better. You become stronger, both emotionally and spiritually.

Why? Because facing and accepting change makes us stronger. If there’s one constant thing in this world – Its change. No matter how much you try to avoid it, change will always be there. Either negative or positive, it’s inevitable. But, what matters is how you face it.

 

You Are Strong And You Know it

Change is everywhere. But, you can face it. Everybody can, with the help of God. I know sometimes we get overwhelmed with the challenges that we face in our daily life. But, it’s unavoidable. There will always be challenges, trials and problems. It’s a part of our journey in life. But, no matter how big it is, no matter how scary it might look. God is always beside us, every step of the way.

So, I urge you to change! Let go! If you’re currently in a huge challenge right now, face it, trust God and after it just let it go. Once, you’ve let the problem stay in your life, it will be much harder to get rid of it. Maybe you’re in a toxic relationship right now, or you’ve recently lost a loved one or maybe you’re experiencing so many trials in life that you feel like you’re drowning in pain.

Letting go of someone you love doesn’t only apply to a person who you still love, or to a thing that you still want. It refers to the pain that you try to avoid by not letting go.

letting go of someone you love

There’s only one way to get out of it all. Through God! He will strengthen you and will help you get over all your problems. When you have learned to let go, I guarantee your life will be a lot better.

Let go of pride, let go of envy, let go of every negative feelings that you have. Only then can you find true peace, only then can you live your life to the fullest. You see, letting go isn’t only about letting go of things that you’ve experienced in your life, but, also the things that are already in your life.

Letting go is loving yourself. Scraping away every bit of negativity in your life and living it like how God wants you to live it. God made us perfect, exactly like his image. We were only corrupted because we let it manifest in our lives, but, we can erase it if we want it. You can live the life you want by letting go of someone you love or once loved. But, you cannot “live” it if you’re surrounded with negativity. So, let go!


What is the Reason Why Some People Let Go of Good Things?

Letting go of someone you love or something you once like is only good if you’re removing the toxic things in your life. But, if you are letting go of all the good things in your life. Then, you’re definitely doing more harm than good.

letting go of someone you love

Have you ever wondered why some people cheat in relationships? Or why students cheat on exams even though they can study and take it honestly? Or even, why most hardworking employees tend to quit their jobs to easily? Well, It’s all because of the curse of familiarity.

Do you that the latest annulment rate here in the Philippines is over 40% and is increasing every year! Why? Most of them told the survey, it’s because they got bored. They got bored of the fighting, they got bored because their partners didn’t give the same love they gave before, they got bored because things were always the same and it never changed. 

Now, why do students cheat? Because they got tired of failing. Or if not, it’s because they don’t want to repeat the same subject year after year. For them, cheating is better than studying, because they have their goal – Avoiding the boredom of repeating the same subject again. And they will do anything just to avoid that.

The same way, why most hardworking employees quit their jobs. Because they have had enough of it. They got tired of going to the same cubicle every day, they got tired of being lectured by their boss, they got tired of doing the same work and talking to the same people EVERYDAY!

To these people, letting go of someone you love, or more specifically something you once love; is easy. They’re so tired with the familiarity of their life that it’s easy for them to let go. Even the things that are good for them. They tend to let go of everything, both the goods ones and bad. 

 

What Is The Curse Of Familiarity? 

It’s a point in our lives when we have had enough of the things that we constantly do every day. The instance when we are so immersed in one activity, that we end up getting used to it.

Days become predictable, actions become useless, because all we can see is the endless loop of boring work. And all we can think of, is giving up. It’s similar to letting go of someone you love, except here, you let go of something you once love but now you hate.

letting go of someone you love

If you ate fried chicken for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every day for 5 years straight. Would you be happy? Of course not! But, If that were to come true, what will happen to you?

Well, technically you will have a heart attack from eating too much cholesterol. But, ultimately you’ll get tired of eating fried chicken. And soon enough, you will find yourself seeking other dishes that could satisfy your taste buds and spark that excitement in your life again.

There’s a reason why there are thousands of different dishes in the  world So, people won’t get tired of eating the same thing. No one likes to eat the same dish every day for the rest of their lives, the same way, no one like to do the same exact thing for the rest of their lives.

We were meant to explore, to experiment and to try new things. But, familiarity destroys that. Familiarity destroys excitement, it destroys creativity because it forces you to do things, the same exact way that you have been doing it for the longest time.


An Unpleasing Experience

When I was 8 years old, before my school bus picks me up at home. My mom would always give me her signature “pabaon” (food takeaway), 2 pieces of pandesal (Salt bread) with margarine inside stuff in a regular sized paper bag. And for years, it never changed. I always ate the same exact food every time we were on the way to school.

I got so tired of its relentless taste that I just started giving it out to my classmates. Every time my mom would give me my “baon”, I would just hand it to my friends in the school bus. I even hated the lunch that my mother prepared for me (Yes, I was incredibly picky before). Why? Well, she would prepare and put it in my bag at 6 am and it will stay there for almost 6 hours until I can finally eat it.

And by the time I opened it, it’s already cold and soggy! So, again, I choose to give it to my friends because i didn’t like it, I got tired of eating the same cold and soggy lunch every day. So, I just decided to buy junk foods! It was way more tastier! And for almost 4 months, All i ate for breakfast and lunch was junk foods and soft drinks. I was happy at first, being introduced to new flavors and tasting more satisfying foods.

But, as time goes by. I got tired of the taste again. I was really eating unhealthy and I started to feel weak and clumsy. But, that wasn’t even the worst part. Suddenly, out of nowhere my stomach started to hurt so much I couldn’t move, like it was being squeezed from the inside. I kept on screaming until our teacher went up to me, picked me up and brought me to the nurse’s office.

The nurse checked me up, gave a couple of medicines and told me to sleep in the bed.  After a couple of hours, I woke up, surprised. My mom was there talking to the nurse, then after they finished talking.

The nurse told me that I have gastritis – An inflammation in the lining of the stomach cause by unhealthy food consumption, bacteria and a lot of fats. Then, My mother turned to me and asked me “What have you been eating”. Of course I was afraid to tell the truth, so I said “I only ate the food that you gave me, mom”.

letting go of someone you love

And it was all going to plan until the nurse interrupted and said “that can’t be the cause of the inflation, you’ve most likely been eating junk foods”. Then, my mom looked at me angrily and told me with an irritated face “Let’s talk later in the house”.

After we got home, my mom was so furious with what I did – giving my food to my friends and wasting my money on junk foods, that she took away my pocket money to force to eat the food that she prepare every day. I said “Okay, but can you please cook other foods too” And she agreed. And from that they on, I never got tired of eating homemade foods again.

 

3 Key Lessons That I learned From That Experience

  1.  At some point in your life you will get tired of how things are

    – It’s inevitable. If you keep doing something over and over again with the exact same approach like  before, you are bound to be familiarized by  it. And as you know, familiarity kills excitement, it kills your motivation to grow more, do more and learn more in order to fast track your progress. At some point you will be tempted to give up and consider letting go of someone you love or once loved.

  2. It’s your duty to get familiarity out of  your life

    – Well. Who else will you depend on when it comes to your life? Of course yourself. No one can save you from the curse of familiarity, not your parents, not your siblings, not your friends. It’s all on YOU!

  3. Change will never come of you aren’t going to force it

    Change is like water in a well. Unless you’re willing to stoop down, grab a pale, get the water from below and raise it back up, it will never surface. That’s why there are thousands of people who are still suffering from the curse of familiarity, because they don’t want to change. What they want is to give up. Which is the exact opposite of what they should be doing. Take this with you, “If you’re tired of something, rest, think and find solution, but don’t you ever quit”.


So I guess one of the big questions are. Do all relationships have a bitter end? Or will all employees quit their jobs out of boredom and familiarity? Or will every student still continue to cheat on their exams? Or should consider letting go of someone you love just because you got tired?

The answer is NO! Why? Because everyone can escape and overcome the curse of familiarity.

 

How To Overcome The Curse Of Familiarity?

letting go of someone you love

It’s true, once you have succumbed to familiarity, it’s really hard to get out of it. But, there is a way! In order to avoid letting go of someone you love that is actually doing good things in your life. The only way you can escape the curse of familiarity is by approaching your relationships, your work and your business in new ways everyday. It doesn’t have to be grand, but it has to be unique.

In relationships: Try out new things with your partners, go to different places or experience new things together and never let the love fade. Relationships are more enjoyable when some things happen unexpectedly, like on the spot dates, sudden trips and many more. Life is meant to be enjoyed, so spice it up a little. Don’t let it become dull and boring.  Letting go of someone you love is not for everyone, just the things that are toxic to you.

In business and work: Approach it with a new mindset. Do your work with a whole new attitude and don’t be afraid to experiment. If you want to try new things on work or on your business, then go! Don’t be afraid of failure, because its normal. What’s important is you broke the “pattern”, your broke the familiarity.

In school: For the students, you don’t have to be afraid of repeating the subject. Because God is always with you. But, you can’t only rely on God the whole time, you also have to do your part. You won’t fail, if you believe that you will pass. But, that won’t happen unless you study hard. All in all, approach your studies like your life depends on it, and that will be enough to fuel you, and drive you out of familiarity.

There are multiple way to engage in life, what really matters is that you don’t only stick to one approach for the rest of your life, because it will always lead to familiarity, and that will kill the excitement, the purpose, the will to do what you have to do. And it will push you to letting go someone you love even though he/she is a good thing in your life.

Some things happen unexpectedly, and that breaks the “familiarity pattern”. But, don’t wait for that chance, don’t wait for the moment that might never come. Become the change. Take control of your life and rid yourself of the curse of familiarity. And only let go of the things that are dragging you down. Hang tight to the ones that are bringing you up, every day.

3 Comments

  1. Anita Dow

    June 20, 2017 at 9:07 pm

    I really enjoyed reading this Rehmil and the thinking behind it. I WILL take this with me as you suggest.
    “If you’re tired of something, rest, think and find solution, but don’t you ever quit”.
    Best Wishes
    Anita Dow
    PS – i love the name The Frugal Millionaire – it’s what I would like to be too. Good luck with your mission statement.

    1. Rehmil Panes

      June 21, 2017 at 11:04 am

      Thank you for your compliment anita. I’m glad that I was able to help another person in need 😀 Godspeed!

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